Roots and Stones

I came across this journal entry from nine and a half years ago that is worth sharing. It's a self-reflection of the roots of my insecurities and the walls I had built around myself.

The Lord revealed an amazing vision to me. He had told me, "It's time to rebuild." He showed me how He was pulling me out of a deep pit but when He set me on higher ground I was exposed. All the walls I had built around myself were gone. The stones had been overturned. He said He was going to build the new wall with different stones with the main stone being "trust". It is all becoming more clear as He leads me through the wilderness of insecurity that I need to develop spiritual disciplines. First and foremost, making Him #1...spending time in His Presence, trusting Him and relaxing my hold on things...in fact, prying my fingers off of them! Giving up reasoning and trying to fix everything and having all the answers. 

So this is what He showed me of the new wall. It was transparent but the stones were like transparent jewels. This wall was different in the fact that I couldn't hide behind it. I am still protected yet visible...touchable instead of untouchable. 

Thus far, in this short distance, I realize that I have to renew my mind and transform my heart to the fact that God must complete me. Only He can fill the empty places of my soul. Only He can piece the broken fragments of my soul together. Only He can heal me of insecurity. Only He can pull up these roots and cut them off and only He can be my ultimate security. He is the One who loves me, approves of me, accepts me, notices me and the one who will never leave me. He listens to me, He understands me, He holds me, He cares for me, He protects me, He fathers me and, yes, He praises me saying, "Look at that one. She is mine."

I have focused far too much on those things I don't have rather than exercising the gifts that I do have that lie dormant or weak. 

God made me and His work is GOOD. I have thought too small and judged myself as worthless and of no value. How dare I? Am I to critique God's masterpiece?

In conclusion, I realize the root at the roots of my insecurity is the fear of rejection with abandonment as a close second.

So what is the cure? It is what the Lord told me in the beginning of this study, however, as we all do I was complicating it, waiting for a more "glamorous" resolve or more work on my part? Or maybe a miraculous revelation? But quite simply...change the way I think and speak with the word of God and trust Him...period. No matter what. Even if my fears become reality I must trust Him that He brings good to me at the end of it all. That even through a possible season of pain, heartache and wounds that seem they will not heal, that I will get back up on my feet and continue living in praise and glory to His name. He IS my security. I am clothed with strength and dignity and NO ONE and nothing can take that from me.

When I read this, I knew it had to be shared. These words even have a prophetic ring to them in my own life because I realize these transparent stones that look like jewels are a part of me...a diamond with many facets. As I type this I come full circle realizing the vulnerability as I let you into seasons of my life where I have experienced my greatest joys as well as my deepest pain. It's a scary position to be in but I have to trust God as He leads me to share chapters of my story.

What is God speaking to you today about your fears? What is the root of your insecurity? It is only when you uncover the root that you can start digging it out and begin to heal. We are all a work in progress. Don't ever forget that. Set yourself up for success one stone at a time.

xo