She found herself caught in a war between desire and suffering. It seemed there was no way out. She was trapped, so it seemed, by her choices. She had taken too many sips from this toxicity that clouded her mind, an illusion. She was in a world that in reality did not exist but the substance cried out in defense staking its claim on her soul. "It's as you want it to be! Your vision is perfect! This is not a mirage. It's ok...just one more sip, one more hit, one more..." She shook her head in sober disgust. Her insides turned and twisted. She thought she would vomit. "Jesus, help me. Show me a way out." "Wait, you say, she knows the Lord?" Ah, be careful how you judge. Keep reading.
She screamed. She fell on her face in desperation. Yet she found herself face to face with her dealer again. A lie that had taken her captive. It knew her weakness. It knew her history. It knew her sin. But, most importantly, it knew her future. And that liar shook to his core in fear. It tried to hold onto her tighter. But then it began to fade which only increased her longing. She needed this hit, this drink, this lie. She craved it. She ran after it.
But she became tired. The battle wreaked havoc on her whole being. She couldn't keep up the lie. She loved God. She was His. Even now she was reminded of it as she began to come back to consciousness. "How did this happen? When did I become this? I am strung out on this substance yet I am a daughter of the King. How did I get here? Jesus, help me. Show me a way out."
She began to feel more stained with her guilt, shame and deep sorrow. The thing that had once given her seeming happiness now eluded her. She began to see things for what they really were. What should she do? What kind of future did she have now? Anguish. Her soul...her heart, her life...completely, utterly, shattered.
She cried out to God again. "Jesus! Help me! Show me a way out!" "What have you done?" Came his response. She broke. It didn't seem possible but a piece of her unbrokenness that still remained intact now split apart creating a hole in which everything she had done, felt, experienced, now spilled out. She fell to her knees, tears flowing so fast her vision blurred, she felt weak. She found herself lying flat on the floor, her tears soaking the carpet beneath her. She couldn't look up. She was the scum of the earth. He will not take me back or accept me. I am completely disfigured, unrecognizable.
The depths of her soul lay all around her and then a gentle voice, "You are mine." And then...peace? Why? How? You are so good and I am not. He overrode her thoughts with the same three words again. "You are mine."
It was many weeks before she could even lift her head or raise her voice to a normal tone. But he stayed with her. He continued to remind her of who she was to him. It took her a long time to receive his love and acceptance as truth to her heart but one day she did. And when she did she declared it with confidence and a heart overflowing with his love, "I am His."
xo
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